I often looked down on “surrendering.” My warrior disposition felt that it was a very weak and frankly an unintelligent thing to do. I felt that much of life could be controlled if we did things right and put the work into it. Honestly for me, that approach really set life into the opposite direction of my desires. Despite admittedly hating surrender and anything associated with it, I was forced to take an honest, non-judgmental look at it.
A core piece of surrendering is trusting yourself. Do you trust that you will do what is required when the time comes? I learned that this is really where my warrior needs to be. My warrior sits down and works and does what she needs to do when she needs to do it. This was not always true for me as procrasination ruled my life and I’m still making adjustments to make sure this form of sabotage is no longer. So I needed to learn to trust myself that I will act from a place of love….
Acting from a place of love
That brings me to my next point. Action can take on a variety of energies. In the past, for me, it was a more forceful energy that was fueled by anxiety and need to control to mask insecurity and lack of trust in myself. Surrendering means allowing yourself to do what you want to do and what your soul is calling out for. Even last week, I decided to rake and sweep outside in the sunshine despite my laundry list of chores and other work that needed to be done. I was learning to lean into a space that felt nourishing and productive at the same time. It really helped to lean more into this balance of acting from a place of love.
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Now we move into the receiving end. Over the years I had to stop trying to force my needs to be met. The mere fact of having needs caused me to feel and be very needy and then feel shame about being needy and not independent. Trying to control for outcomes was some sort of sneaky way my psyche said it was “okay” by giving it some sort of moral standing or some stupid rule making it okay. I won’t get into the details here butttt it was a vicious cycle!! Do not recommend.
I had to work on surrendering my control and trusting that my needs will be met even if I don’t really know how they will be met. By doing this I had to give up control around how my might thought that my needs would or should be met. The more I surrendered to this idea, the more I noticed that people would show up out of nowhere ready to help and assist me. It wasn’t in the way my brain told me was the right way, but my leaning into this gray area, I learned to allow myself to be helped with a whole new energy. Only by surrendering and being open to receiving, I could receive in a way that was nourishing and not shame producing.
End the shame cycle
If you find yourself in a control cycle and are visited with feelings of neediness and shame with a strong desire to be independent… then I would recommend working on your relationship with control, and practicing surrendering. It may be a helpful step for you in exiting out of the rate race on control/attachment to outcomes.
Not only does it free you from that frustration and anger that surface with control around outcomes, it also starts to welcome a bit a magic into your life and really give you that zest that you’re looking for. Despite your desire to want to know everything and reach all desired outcomes all the time… you would become pretty bored quickly. Allow yourself to engage in the magic. You’ll look at life a little differently as a result. And feeling lighter and more at peace with yourself and your life.
Interested in diving more into making these radical changes? Schedule a free consultation to learn more about how I can help you.