Communicating your truth with non-attachment
Almost everyone I have worked with at some point feels a hot bubbling urge to finally share their truth with someone who has been a subject of distress in their life for their whole lives or many years. The person has spent a great deal feeling highly disappointed on how this person has treated them and has always expected this person to fulfill the role that they are “suppose too.”
“A father should ___; A mother should ___” etc.
This is usually marked progress when a person is feeling ready to confront these issues; however, the person is often running off adrenaline from anger and is still not yet not attached to the outcome of the confrontation.
When we speak our truth, we cannot be attached to any outcome of that truth. We cannot expect to feel better, we cannot expect a response, we cannot expect compassion, we cannot expect understanding, we cannot expect anything!
Speaking your truth is just that. Speaking it.
I was reading Ram Dass this morning and he was talking about Gandhi’s commitment to truth over consistency and it hit with me as this is something I’ve been leaning into over the years. And it is quite hard!
I’ve often been a very stubborn person and fixated in my ways and therefore put high pressure on myself to be consistent (despite not wanting to be) but I firmly believed it is how I should be.
Besides it’s the considerate thing to do right?
That’s why it’s such a deep conditioning to break… so many social pillars set to keep this in place making a shift here quite hard.
Anyway.. Back to speaking the truth:
Simple isn’t it.
We are always speaking and doing “in order to” and never doing it for its own right.
When we speak from our usual place of “in order to” we often leave dissatisfied and disgruntled.
Be the bigger person
That’s a fun one that we were taught isn’t it…
This moral high ground and is as gross as it feels.
When we work on changing our ways we often bring morality into the equation in order to motivate us. For when it feels like we are giving something up that we know is hurting us, we quickly find another attachment to run to – morality is the sneaky way to keep the ego in charge.
The moral high ground is not serving you. It is only protecting your ego and building higher walls around you.
There is no true vulnerability, shedding, or growth happening in these situations.
You feel the shift. The time has come. You speak the truth. You move to the next thing as if you put one shoe on and then the other without a thought or care in the world.
If there is zero attachment to the outcome, is the urge still there to speak?